c r u m b l i n g

C R U M B L I N G

Lord I can't do this.

I can't see.   I can't think.   I can't breathe. 

Tripping up. Running circles in my head. 

Can't seem to move. Feeling like I'm dead. 

Looking through a film that makes everything murky and gray.

Wondering if I will ever feel okay.

2 seconds ago I was smiling, shining bright. 

Now it feels like someone has put out the light.

I know the girl I am is in here. With her thoughts, her smiles, her songs. 

 But this mess I'm in now feels eternally long. 

I know the holy spirit is moving and with me.

But the rain is down pouring and through it I can't see. 

I need someone, something to pull my mind from the muck. 

I just feel like I am forever trapped in a funk.

I can't seem to hold my shit together long enough to get anything done. 

But you're still here reminding me the battle's already been won. The battle's already been won. 

The battle's already been won. 

Lord help me to be still.

Lord help me to know you are here. 

Lord help me to be still. 

And not give in to fear. 

Lord help me to be still. 

And know that you are God. 

Lord help me to be still.

And know all is not lost. 

Now as I yank out my journal, hide my phone, and write. 

The window starts to brighten. I notice the light. 

Peace and these words lighten my heart 

as you pull me singing from the ashes and from the crumbling dark. 

"Though I feel like I'm crumbling,

I won't fall apart.

Though I feel like I'm crumbling,

you've got my heart.

All these crowding voices in my head. Are gone and dead. 

They are gone and dead. 

They fall away. 

And I sit in awe of your grace. 

In love with your love. 

Fully knowing I could never measure up.

Yet you still made me, you choose me,

and you never give up.

You love me anyway.

Though I feel like I'm crumbling"