hi

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hi. hey:) whAT'S UP?! Long time no chat...or at least no blog post! Coming into college I really wanted to keep record of my thoughts and feelings, to keep up with this blog as a way to keep record of my adventures and experiences here as well as to update the people in my life on how I'm doing. But, inevitably life got busy, and adjusting to an entirely new place with people you've never met before is HARD. Plus you throw starting college in the midst of this whole covid thang-it was quite the transition. I am so so so blessed to be able to be on campus. To have many in-person classes, access to a library, and to live in a dorm. But covid has still made things tricky and different. Trying to meet new people but not being able to hang out indoors, for the most part, is DIFFICULT! I felt a lot of loneliness and homesickness last semester. I wasn't able to go to in-person church or worship with others. Sometimes I struggled to pay attention to God and draw near to him and other times he felt more tangibly close than ever. Obviously, God has been close the whole time:) But I got distracted or distraught and sometimes failed to notice him. Other times I laid in bed crying myself to sleep while listening to worship songs and felt like God was hugging me. 

While I did struggle with a bit of loneliness and the feelings of not being known in a sea of people that comes with moving somewhere new, as life would have it, I made some friends:) and I am so excited to develop those friendships more this semester! I am also really excited to start focusing on God more. To try and implement small daily practices that help me keep my eyes fixed on him in the midst of the storm. I am excited to chat with friends about Jesus and to have deep, genuine conversations. I'm excited to adventure. I'm excited to just be. To practice the oh so difficult practice of being still before God. To learn. To learn so much my brain hurts and then some. To learn not just from the books but from the people around me. From the experiences I have, the choices I make each day. I'm excited to act and write...to create!!

 I'm trying to breathe. To not worry about the business of this semester ahead or the tiredness my body feels adjusting to life back on campus away from home with foods that aren't always the best for me. I'm trying to remember how to focus and manage my time and my energy. And sometimes looking at all I have to do, and the exams and papers and readings-I get stressed and anxious. But now as I sit here...I'm reminded-I am already as succesful as I can ever be. I am already in a relationship with the Lord. I am saved.

Not to be dramatically morbid or dark but- I could die tomorrow. 

Now I don't like to live life constantly thinking about death and the unknown future, and it is good to have plans and goals and to strive for things, to work hard and learn. But, sometimes I'm reminded that this moment only lasts right now. If there's anything I've learned from covid and this past year, it's that living for the Earthly future is not enough. Living for 10 years from now or 2 months from now fails. Even tomorrow isn't guaranteed. 

This doesn't mean I need to drop everything and see the whole world and do something great with my life because I don't know how long I have....it simply means that maybe, just maybe instead of constantly living for later, and WORRYING about the future and everything I have to do, maybe just living in relationship with Jesus right now, is enough. Maybe enjoying the simplicities of life, noticing all the blessings and the things I have to be grateful for is enough. God is enough so I'm enough...my life, in this moment is enough because God is enough. I don't need anything more 10 years from now. If life is taken from me tomorrow, though my Earthly mind still finds it terrifying, I'm going to heaven, and I have a relationship with Jesus that is the BEST THING in the whole world and universe and life and afterlife!!!!

Sorry for that tangent but I'm just finding myself tired of worrying. Tired of stress and striving for Earthly success. It is so FREEING to audition for something and not get it, to fail a test, to screw up a note, to make a stupid mistake, to FAIL, and to know that the rest of my life isn't screwed up by it. That my hope and my life and my everything doesn't depend on my success in school, or acting, or a career or relationships or grades. 

ISN'T GOD JUST SO GOOD!!!!:)))

This past semester and even more over winter break, I feel like I've found this new level of freedom in Christ. Through my acting class I've realized that EVERYONE has their own little quirks and goofy things! Just being in the chill environment of college, I've realized more and more that I don't want to be friends with people who aren't friends of who I truly am. Why would I waste my time building fake friendships? It no longer makes sense to me. The break and this past semester and even highschool has taught me the importance of surrounding myself with people who build me up and who I can pour into and they will pour into me. Though I still struggle with loneliness and insecurity sometimes I feel so thankful for the genuine people who God has placed in my life. 

I feel far more able to walk in my goofiness in confidence because that is the way God made me! Hehe. (cue the British accent) So if I start talking in a British accent all the time don't mind me!

I've learned so much more this past semester but I don't have hours and I don't have endless pages (okay maybe I do have endless pages because this is online but you get the point). 

ALSO: lil' update:))):

 I'm officially a double major now with Theater and English!! yay! So far, I am absolutely thrilled about this decision and excited for all to come with that! I'm still in honors too, and loving the challenge academically and spiritually as we dissect texts and the bible:)

Shoutout to my friend Peyton for writing her own blog and encouraging/inspiring me to return to mine. Peyton has such a beautiful heart and a way with words so if you know her I highly recommend following along with her blog:)

Thank y'all for reading and for loving me! I love each and every one of you, and Jesus loves you too! 

I hope this inspires y'all to look around you and notice a few simple joys and blessings today:) And I hope this serves as a reminder that we never stop learning. It's constant and it's beautiful. And may this be an encouragement to you, that the future isn't guaranteed, but God is. And he is always with you. Before you and behind you, all around you, and within you:) He LOVES you, just as you are. And there is such deep freedom and joy in that friends. Love you,

Sincerely,

Sophi:)


in case you missed my smiley faces:

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