Sometimes You Have to say F*** You to The Audience

 Once upon a time, in a time (not so) long ago, Freshman Sophi sat on the floor of her Acting Professor's office, staring at a zoom screen of a handful of little boxes, each a window into someone else's world. 

This was her...okay MY (let's be done with the third person, shall we) first semester of acting. And despite the virtual format, this was the most connected I had been to a class. We all left our mute buttons off and took turns performing scene work or object exercises for one another. Practicing the discipline of vulnerability and the art of letting go. On this particular day, we had been discussing the text. Our topic of conversation... the oh so dreaded auuuudience...ooo spooky! 

Through my time studying Theatre at George Fox, I have begun to really see my art and faith intertwined. One of the first ways in which I was able to discover this, was in who the art was for. Ultimately, my theatre making is an act of worship, prayer, and service to Christ. But it is also a way to serve and love on my community, as I am called to do by Christ. 

"Servant-Storytelling" is the magic phrase here at Fox.  I truly see that manifested in my work and life. Whether it is through theatre, music, writing, or video making...(or maybe even something else!!)...I find myself telling stories, and seeking to do them in a way that serves and loves. 

Back to the discussion of the audience on that particular Monday or Wednesday afternoon, we had been talking about how we should acknowledge the audience in our work to some degree. As I previously mentioned, our performance is in a way, for the audience. Furthermore, they have payed money to see our work, and deserve the same performance each night. We should strive to do the work well for our audience. 

HOWEVER...

My Professor knocked us off our seats when she suddenly through out the idea that  sometimes... you have to say f*** you to your audience.

I was shocked. What happened to servant storytelling. 

What if my Mom is in the audience??

What about loving them well??? I am confused...

But what my Professor was getting at within the shockingly placed profanity, was not a hatred of the audience, but a useful forgetting of the audience in order to be present in the work. 

When performing onstage, I can not be concerned with the potential judgements of my audience. I must forget that and focus on my scene partner (whether real or imagined). I must dig into the needs and tactics of my character. Pursuing an objective within the circumstances of the play. 

For lack of better vocabulary, I can not give a f*** about whether Susan likes my costume, or Jerry thinks my singing is okay, or if the unknown masses find my character believable. In this moment that is not helpful. I need to let go and be in the work. Let the creativity flow. 

. . .

As another creative form of storytelling, I think writing is often the same way. 

When looking for a creative flow or outpouring of ideas, I can not, my dear audience, think about you.

 If I am too concerned about putting profanity in the title of my blog post, or what my mother (I love you Mama) will think of my thoughts, especially as I am trying to process them...I will experience a block of ideas and story. My writing will be boring or unbelievable because I will be trying to please everyone.

 Now...in editing my piece (my unedited outpouring of thoughts) perhaps it is useful to think of my audience. As I would when refining my acting or directing choices that I first developed with unhindered play and risk. 

 Much like in theatre, in the initial phases of creation, perhaps it is helpful to think about the audience a bit. Perhaps, some measures of the audience, who they are and what kind of writing they will read, what they will be receptive too, etc. is a helpful constraint. 

But when creating within these identified boundaries, maybe I need to forget my audience a little bit. To tuck them away and not give another thought for their reactions, or their responses to my work, until later down the road. 

While the involvement of audience in theatre and writing are a bit different, the concept that both forgetting the audience and intentionally considering them is important to the creative process is a common ground. 

All that to say, I love you my dear audience. I think of you often. I write to you from my heart. But occasionally, in order to do so, I have to tuck you into the corners of my mind and simply write. 

Much love.

Sincerely. 

Sophi