Grace in Sickness

Sips of warm, rich coffee soothe my throat. Sniffles and an ache at the back of my chest remind me that I am still weak. Recovering from sickness. But the energy to write and think…even a little bit reminds me of the grace of God. What a gift it is to be healthy at all! 

Illness can be a frustrating, fickle thing. It grows and changes…you heal and then you don’t. It doesn’t discriminate and it usually doesn’t care how positively busy we are. But then again, is there ever really a good, convenient time to be sick? I suppose it must strike eventually.

I have found myself sick at the worst of times during my time at Fox. Sophomore year I caught covid and had to finish my semester quarantined at home, seven hours from campus, missing several crucial musical rehearsals, the opportunity to direct my ten minute play in person, and endless group projects. 

And yet, God was still good. And I saw abundant blessings in the access to vitamin protocols and medicine to help with my sickness. I saw a blessing in the closeness to my family. In the slowness of sickness and the grace I had to learn for myself. There was blessing in learning how to admit weakness and ask for help. And in the gift of directing and performing through zoom to complete many of these projects. 

Now I’m sick, for the first full time this semester, and ironically…I am quite thankful (despite the complaining you may have heard from me around the house if you are one of my roommates). Yes–I am a fallen human and I complained and whined and pitied myself about my cold several times the past few days. But I’m learning to also be thankful, because falling sick showed me how many people I have in my prayer corner. It reminded me to be thankful for sustained health thus far, the strides my immune system has taken, the ways God tied me over while I was still performing. I’m in a play right now and my illness happened to fall almost right between performance weekends, and hopefully in plenty of time before musical auditions--what a blessing.

Being sick has also caused me to slow down. To spend a whole day reading a book for honors, instead of speeding through it between events and assignments. It’s caused me to relearn rest. To relearn asking for help. To relearn embracing grace. 

Today, I saw a freshman friend experience what it is to feel everything falling around her…the weight of inadequacy and insufficiency for perhaps the first time in her college life. And I couldn’t help but want to hug her and tell her – sweet friend, you are going to fail so many more times, but it is going to be so good for you, because you are going to encounter grace in such an intimate way, you are going to learn about balance, and leaning on God, and trusting him with outcomes and failures, and you are going to learn time management and rest and boundaries and probably so many other beautiful things through these moments of failure until failure becomes a familiar friend…one who visits regularly enough that you learn to smile and link arms and keep going together, walking in God’s grace which is oh so sufficient for you. 

So this cold season, if you find yourself sick, as we often all do, maybe invite that 1% of brain cells that are still functioning despite the brain fog (or maybe this is a heart kinda thinking...?) to wonder about what God might be teaching you through the slowness of sickness. 

For me – it’s the reminder that I don’t have to know how something is going to work out…I don’t have to know how I’m going to make it through something…because there is God & grace & mystery & people and at the end of the day, I will get through. And it’s also the reminder that all things might fade away…sickness can stop almost anything if it’s strong enough--mine didn’t, but it still gets you thinking--but nothing can diminish the glory and love of God. 

Grace & peace to you dear friends. 

Sincerely, 

Sophi