Dreams, Doubts, and Desiring God's Good Plan
Throughout my quest to figure out my future (I know sounds rather daunting and impossibly impossible doesn't it?), I have heard stories of people who pushed away their deepest desires and most passionate passions to pursue a "real" career. These people eventually realized that this "real" career they thought they wanted/needed to do was not worth giving up those dreams. They finally dove into pursuing their passions and it turned into a career and a much better life, despite how challenging it may have been to begin.
And I always smile at these stories and think: incredible! But that's not me.
Yes, I have many artistic passions. I love making videos. But most of mine are private and while I wholeheartedly believe others can make YouTube their job, IIII...can not. I love to read and write. But I don't know if I could ever make being an author a supportive job. I love singing but I don't see myself making it on Broadway, and I don't think I would want to anyway. I love learning, but I don't want to spend my whole life becoming the woman with the most degrees😂. I would love to create my own clothing line. But I could never get there. Especially without a huge following...
I know what you're thinking.
You do sound like one of those people.
The dreamers who decide their dreams are unrealistic and not real jobs.
But as I listen to these stories I feel as though there has to be a certain level of passion to truly be one destined for being a creative who stifles their dreams in pursuit of a "real" job and then rediscovers those passions, chases after them, and is successful. I feel as though I lack the passion required for wholeheartedly pursuing making videos. My desire to write is not strong enough or well enough established to pursue author as "what I want to be when I grow up". I don't feel that untouchable drive to chase after those dreams and pursue them unapologetically. So I tell myself I can't be one of those people. Don't get me wrong, I love all those things, but I am afraid my love for them is not enough, that I have to reach a certain standard. But now I realize,
Maybe this is what it feels like to have artistic dreams that seem unreachable.
Maybe it isn't a burning desire that persists while pursuing a "real" career. Maybe a fire within me exists but it is hidden. and muted. Dismissed as side passions and hobbies. Maybe doubting your dreams isn't always "art can't be a career" "music can't support you" "YouTube isn't consistent" " being a writer will never make money" but instead it is slowly muffling those desires within us with lies such as "art can't be MY career" "YouTube could never be consistent for ME" "being a writer will never work out for ME". Doubts are personal. And they make us feel numb to our dreams to the point where we do not think we have enough passion to pursue them anyway. I am trying to breakdown the walls of those doubts. To remind myself that every person out there living out their dreams successfully, had doubts like mine.
Here's the other thing. I want to go to college. I really really do. I can not WAIT to learn more, and dive into my studies and personal and spiritual growth. I am so excited to meet new people, to grow, to live in a dorm, and to make fun memories. But I have been believing this lie that if I go to college all of it will be a waste if I chase after my other dreams afterwards. I feel as though I have to choose. And it was stressing me out for a bit let me tell ya. But as I've been reflecting on these things lately, my aspirations, my dreams, and my future, I realize life is much more complex than we often think it is. Life is not so black and white. There are people out there doing amazing things! Why can't we be those people too? The first astronaut had to start somewhere right? Maybe we are capable of so much more than we think. Maybe we don't have to choose between college and our dreams. Maybe we can choose both. As I reflect, I realize the root of my fear is not knowing where I am headed. I am unsure of who I want to be when I grow up. All I know is I have a lot of dreams and I do not know where they all fit yet. But I know one of those dreams is to go to college. So I am going to go. And I am going to lean into God and figure it out as I go. Not forgetting those dreams of old, and continuing to aspire to new things as God lays them on my heart. Trusting God will put them into place as I grow. Because maybe some of those dreams are for right now...and maybe some are for 50 years from now.
I guess what I'm trying to say is hold on to those dreams you had when you were little. And hold on to those great aspirations you have right now. Because, life's going to get tough, and dreaming is going to get hard. And sometimes it seems our dreams and goals are never going to happen. And maybe they won't. But maybe they will. Maybe God has placed those dreams in our hearts for now. Or maybe he has planted those seeds to flourish into something later in life. Maybe I will be an English teacher. Or maybe I will be a party planner. Or maybe I will eventually do both. God willing anything can happen.
But above even those dreams and desires we need to trust that God's plan is the best plan. Whether or not that includes what we desire. We should remember our dreams, and if God lays them on our hearts, prayerfully pursue them. But if God takes us another direction we need to remember that his plan is even better. And who knows, maybe God has different timing than we do for some of those desires and dreams. Whatever his timing, whatever his plan, it's gonna be good!
The other day in our AP Economics class, we went around and answered that time old question of what we want to be when we grow up. And I was so in awe and inspired by the amazing things so many of y'all said. Neurologists, tattoo artists, dentists, photographers, civil engineers, teachers, artists. The list goes on and on. I'm so excited to grow up and see what we all will become. And the many amazing things we will be. I guess, this jumbled mess of words is me reflecting on the dreams God has given me, and the stage in life I am at right now. And reminding you and me, no matter how cliche it sounds, to never stop dreaming, even when life gets tough. And to keep working hard towards those goals and dreams. That we don't have to choose between our dreams. We can often strive towards many of them, all in God's right timing. We just need to remember he will work it out for his good because no matter what happens in our future, God has a unique plan for each one of us. And that is so exciting!! Anyway, I love you all. Keep dreaming. Keep Trusting. Keep praying.
xoxo
sincerely,
Sophi
Jeremiah 29:11-12
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.
And I always smile at these stories and think: incredible! But that's not me.
Yes, I have many artistic passions. I love making videos. But most of mine are private and while I wholeheartedly believe others can make YouTube their job, IIII...can not. I love to read and write. But I don't know if I could ever make being an author a supportive job. I love singing but I don't see myself making it on Broadway, and I don't think I would want to anyway. I love learning, but I don't want to spend my whole life becoming the woman with the most degrees😂. I would love to create my own clothing line. But I could never get there. Especially without a huge following...
I know what you're thinking.
You do sound like one of those people.
The dreamers who decide their dreams are unrealistic and not real jobs.
But as I listen to these stories I feel as though there has to be a certain level of passion to truly be one destined for being a creative who stifles their dreams in pursuit of a "real" job and then rediscovers those passions, chases after them, and is successful. I feel as though I lack the passion required for wholeheartedly pursuing making videos. My desire to write is not strong enough or well enough established to pursue author as "what I want to be when I grow up". I don't feel that untouchable drive to chase after those dreams and pursue them unapologetically. So I tell myself I can't be one of those people. Don't get me wrong, I love all those things, but I am afraid my love for them is not enough, that I have to reach a certain standard. But now I realize,
Maybe this is what it feels like to have artistic dreams that seem unreachable.
Maybe it isn't a burning desire that persists while pursuing a "real" career. Maybe a fire within me exists but it is hidden. and muted. Dismissed as side passions and hobbies. Maybe doubting your dreams isn't always "art can't be a career" "music can't support you" "YouTube isn't consistent" " being a writer will never make money" but instead it is slowly muffling those desires within us with lies such as "art can't be MY career" "YouTube could never be consistent for ME" "being a writer will never work out for ME". Doubts are personal. And they make us feel numb to our dreams to the point where we do not think we have enough passion to pursue them anyway. I am trying to breakdown the walls of those doubts. To remind myself that every person out there living out their dreams successfully, had doubts like mine.
Here's the other thing. I want to go to college. I really really do. I can not WAIT to learn more, and dive into my studies and personal and spiritual growth. I am so excited to meet new people, to grow, to live in a dorm, and to make fun memories. But I have been believing this lie that if I go to college all of it will be a waste if I chase after my other dreams afterwards. I feel as though I have to choose. And it was stressing me out for a bit let me tell ya. But as I've been reflecting on these things lately, my aspirations, my dreams, and my future, I realize life is much more complex than we often think it is. Life is not so black and white. There are people out there doing amazing things! Why can't we be those people too? The first astronaut had to start somewhere right? Maybe we are capable of so much more than we think. Maybe we don't have to choose between college and our dreams. Maybe we can choose both. As I reflect, I realize the root of my fear is not knowing where I am headed. I am unsure of who I want to be when I grow up. All I know is I have a lot of dreams and I do not know where they all fit yet. But I know one of those dreams is to go to college. So I am going to go. And I am going to lean into God and figure it out as I go. Not forgetting those dreams of old, and continuing to aspire to new things as God lays them on my heart. Trusting God will put them into place as I grow. Because maybe some of those dreams are for right now...and maybe some are for 50 years from now.
I guess what I'm trying to say is hold on to those dreams you had when you were little. And hold on to those great aspirations you have right now. Because, life's going to get tough, and dreaming is going to get hard. And sometimes it seems our dreams and goals are never going to happen. And maybe they won't. But maybe they will. Maybe God has placed those dreams in our hearts for now. Or maybe he has planted those seeds to flourish into something later in life. Maybe I will be an English teacher. Or maybe I will be a party planner. Or maybe I will eventually do both. God willing anything can happen.
But above even those dreams and desires we need to trust that God's plan is the best plan. Whether or not that includes what we desire. We should remember our dreams, and if God lays them on our hearts, prayerfully pursue them. But if God takes us another direction we need to remember that his plan is even better. And who knows, maybe God has different timing than we do for some of those desires and dreams. Whatever his timing, whatever his plan, it's gonna be good!
The other day in our AP Economics class, we went around and answered that time old question of what we want to be when we grow up. And I was so in awe and inspired by the amazing things so many of y'all said. Neurologists, tattoo artists, dentists, photographers, civil engineers, teachers, artists. The list goes on and on. I'm so excited to grow up and see what we all will become. And the many amazing things we will be. I guess, this jumbled mess of words is me reflecting on the dreams God has given me, and the stage in life I am at right now. And reminding you and me, no matter how cliche it sounds, to never stop dreaming, even when life gets tough. And to keep working hard towards those goals and dreams. That we don't have to choose between our dreams. We can often strive towards many of them, all in God's right timing. We just need to remember he will work it out for his good because no matter what happens in our future, God has a unique plan for each one of us. And that is so exciting!! Anyway, I love you all. Keep dreaming. Keep Trusting. Keep praying.
xoxo
sincerely,
Sophi
Jeremiah 29:11-12
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.
Comments
Post a Comment